Q. Is it normal to feel overwhelmed and confused about starting the adoption process?

A. It’s good to be a little apprehensive. Adoption is a life-altering experience and ought to be approached cautiously. Many families have been successful in building their family through adoption. Most of the families going through the process tell us that they learned a lot about adoption and about themselves as well. Being open, honest and flexible will help make your adoption journey a positive one. If you have ideas, suggestions or questions, please share them with us. Stay flexible and positive.  Take time to consider what adoption means to everyone involved. Most importantly, think in terms of what is in the best interest of children.

Q. Will we ever be chosen?
A. It is normal to worry about whether or not you will be chosen. The truth is we never know what the next birth family is looking for. We know what the last ten had in mind, but the next birth family may be completely different. In our experience, birth families have been very thoughtful in making an adoption plan. Most of all, they are looking for a family who will provide their child with a loving, stable home.

Q. How long does it take to be placed with a child?
A. While this is a reasonable question, it is also one we can’t answer very clearly. In the past, agencies simply kept a waiting list of prospective adoptive families. It was a system that ignored compatibility between families, but it had the advantage of predictability. That system is long gone. Today, there is little predictability because most birth families select the adoptive family. Once families enter the waiting pool, some wait for days and others may wait for years.

Q. How often do birth parents change their minds?
A. National statistics, as well as our agency experience, show that 20% of birth families experience a change of heart prior to legally terminating their parental rights.

Q. Can the birth parents have their baby returned to them after their parental rights have been legally terminated?
A. In recent years, a few highly publicized, tragically mishandled adoptions have created an atmosphere of insecurity in the adoption community. Adoption is a legal process. In Wisconsin, if all legal proceedings are followed according to state law, a court’s decision to terminate a parent’s rights cannot be overturned.

Q. What is an open adoption?  Are there any benefits?
A. In an open adoption, birth families and adoptive families exchange identifying information. Some families use this information to maintain contact (phone calls, letters and/or visits) after the adoption. This relationship is not legally binding in Wisconsin and may change over time. Research shows that open adoption is in a child’s best interest. Children develop a stronger sense of identity when they have a connection with their birth family.

Q. What if we have an open adoption agreement, but the birth family doesn’t follow through?
A. Relationships can never be forced. All you can do is hold up your own end of the agreement and remain genuinely available. To the great disappointment of a fair number of our adoptive families, some birth families start with lots of contact and then back away over time. Others start slow and grow into meaningful relationships as their grief diminishes and their trust grows. As we learn more about the benefits of ongoing contact between the birth family and adoptive family, we are seeing more commitment to sustaining the open adoption relationship.

Q. What if we are selected by a birth parent that we don’t feel comfortable with?
A. Since the birth family selects the adoptive family very carefully, the two families are typically very compatible. To be on the safe side, however, our process features an initial meeting where participants have an opportunity to get to know each other without any obligation. Until legal commitments have been made, both families have the right to change their mind about the adoption plan.

Q. What if the baby is born unhealthy?
A. This is a very important question. This does not happen often. Sometimes, the birth family decides to raise the baby themselves. Other times, the prospective adoptive family decides to move forward with the adoption plan. On occasion, another adoptive family who is more prepared for the particular challenges can be identified.